I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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