Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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