i think my tv is drunk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
