You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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