Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
