Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
