Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
