Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
