Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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