Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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