Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
