We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize