I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
