I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
