Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
