So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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