Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
