Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
