god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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