are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we're making bets on your personal life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
