Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Randomize
