dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
