Umm I'm too high to move.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
