even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
