You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
