could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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