you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
