Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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