I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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