Michael Bay diarrhea
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
