at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
