I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
