Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
