what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
