I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
