i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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