so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
