Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize