My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
