Who wears a wallet chain?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
