You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
