I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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