i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
