Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize