You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
