SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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