I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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