She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
