I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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