she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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