i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
