we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
