If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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