just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize