Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
