Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
