Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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