Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
