I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
