Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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