Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
