How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
