You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
