Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
