sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
