and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
