i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
