I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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