He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize