your thong is hanging out like whoa
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
