So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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