Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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