You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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