Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
