Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
