Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
