I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this just has baby written all over it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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