Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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